The Atlantic & Southern Saturday Report

[Judge]

There is no Saturday Report today due to the Babe's monthly trek to Mount Dora.  But there is a story.

There has been some (very little) enthusiasm for me to relate a few of my experiences during my 24 years on the bench.  The problem is that most of these experiences are either unpleasant or are only of interest to lawyers.  However, there have been a few humorous moments,    One day I was covering domestic violence injunction cases in Brevard County when this story came to my attention.  I have modified it to become a criminal case in Tahope.  I have wrestled with how to get around the colorful language used by the participants but I think you will get the idea.  The actual case took place in West Melbourne, which is populated by citizens who are very much like those found in Tahope.

                                                                                                              Love in the Bottoms

       Brody Cook woke up one Saturday morning to the sound of the neighborhood roosters announcing the dawn.  Brody lives in a rented 1936 Air Stream "Clipper."  It has need for serious upkeep but Brody isn't worried about tidiness. 
   On the morning in question, Brody washed his face and donned his dirty overalls and his high-tops shoes.  He opened the door to the small refrigerator hidden under the galley sink and pulled himself the first beer of the day.  He opened the can with his "church key" and took a swig. 
   The sun was shining and it was already getting hot so Brody decided to step outside his trailer and see what was what in the neighborhood. 
   Brody's next-door neighbor was a character who has frequented these pages named "Wormy." Wormy was busy polishing up his new Harley so Brody sauntered over to take a look. 
   Brody and Wormy were discussing the merits of the new Harley when events turned for the worse and both Brody and Wormy later found themselves in circuit court, Brody being charged with assault and battery and Wormy under subpoena as an eye witness.
   After Brody's arrest, a preliminary hearing was scheduled in the courthouse annex before   
Judge Elvin Thomas. 
   The first witness, Carrie Ann Crankshaw, testified that she is Brody's former girlfriend.  She came over that Saturday morning to collect her things, which she had stored at Brody's trailer.  While she was inside the trailer, Brody slapped her and pushed her against the wall.  "Wormy" was there and saw it all.
   Judge Thomas listened to Carrie Ann's testimony and addressed Brody as follows:

The Court:   Now Brody this here looks pretty serious.  Do you want to be heard about this?

Brody:   What she says is true as far as it goes but she left out some pretty important facts you should cornsider here. 
   Fust, I was mindin' my own business over at Wormy's house marveling at his new Harley when up she comes raising hell about my new girlfriend, which I have! She starts accusing me of carousing with this woman at Hokum's House of Burlesque.  Now I remember being at Hokum's but I don't remember no carousing.  Anyway, I says to her, "Carrie Ann" let's take this inside off the street and discuss it calmly."
   We went inside my Air Stream tailer and right off she went beer-serk and tried to rip my ba- -s off.  Naturally, I had to defend myself so I did push her out of the way.  She left, still threatening my manhood.
   Judge, my friend "Wormy" saw it all and he took me to Tahope General Hospital for treatment.   

The Court:    Well, that puts a different light on the situation.  I think I want to hear from "Wormy." 

Wormy:   Well, your honor, it all went down like they said.  I took Brody to the hospital in my cousin's 1948 Ford and he was admitted.

The Court:   When you visited him, did he make explanation as to why he was there:  did he say "automobile accident, heart attack, tried to rip his ba--s off," anything like that? 

Wormy:   No sir.

The Court:   How did he look?

Wormy:   Well, he didn't look too good.

The Court:   Well, I've heard enough of this here love triangle.  Case dismissed – self defense.

   With that, Brody and Wormy caught an empty on the next train to The Bottoms and spent the rest of the day fishing for bass in the St. Johns River.

                                                                     

                                                                            This is what Brody's 1938 Air Stream Clipper looked like when it was new.

[deemery]

Legal question for Your Honor:  Are rulings of Florida courts available for the public to read (on a website somewhere, without an account/without paying for a copy?) 


thanks in advance!     dave

[Judge]

Dave - The case reports from the Supreme Court and the five district courts of appeal are published weekly at the Florida Courts website.  There is no ability to acturally perform legal research but you can read the latest opinions.  Trial court orders and opinions are generally not published.  The web site provides information ablout the jurisdiction of the appellate courts.  There is also an ability to watch oral arguments in each of the courts.  Enjoy.

http://www.flcourts.org

P.S. Supreme Court opinions are published on Thursdays around 11:00 a.m.

[S&S RR]

Another fine story Judge.  I enjoy your thread.

[jrmueller]

Another "true crime" special from The Judge(not to be confused with the Yankees 99).  Thanks Jim

[GPdemayo]

Another good one Bill.....those denizens of the Bottoms make for some interesting tales. 

[Judge]

   September 18, 2021 - No Saturday Report today.  The weekly meeting of the Board of Directors was cancelled due to a scheduling conflict. 

    There is a story this week.  Your reporter has mentioned railroad engineers and train crews numerous times but other worthies on the railroad deserve mentioning as well.  This week we will attend an interview of the A&S track maintenance crew foreman.  Not all track gang work is sweat and toil.                                                                                                     

                                                                                                       Ain't Nature Wonderful?

      Paul Mason had been foreman of the A&S track maintenance crew for nearly 20 years when he was interviewed by a reporter from the Tahope Daily News.  "Just what is it like to be responsible for the track and roadbed of a railroad that meanders mostly through a Florida swamp?"
     "Well." Said Mason, "the job is more complicated than you would think. I start before dawn on most days with a crew of eight men on a 'speeder' to inspect the section designated for that day. 
         I sit on the front of the speeder so's I can look at the track and identify any problems obvious to the eye.  My number 2, Edward (Big Ed) Smith, sits beside me. He looks out for stray cattle and other potential obstructions that could endanger the progress of the speeder.
         Two of my men sit on each side of the speeder.  They are responsible to watch for obstructions to the right of way, such as a fallen tree that has broken down the fence. 
         The two snipes who ride the back of the speeder watch out for oncoming locomotives and for flights of ducks and quail that may have been stirred up by the passing of the speeder.  Sometimes, their sharp eyes cause us to stop the speeder and reduce the duck population for dinner later.
When we see a rail or tie that needs our attention, the crew attends to the problem.  Rails are replaced from the flat car being pushed by the ten-wheeler that follows the speeder. 
       The crew has to be on the lookout for crawly creatures that tend to cross the right-of-way from one pond to another.  Florida has a variety of poisonous snakes, including rattlers, moccasins, copper heads, and coral snakes. The crew carries a shotgun to kill these reptiles. 
       Florida has an abundance of relatively large bobcats.  These felines are not your household Tabby Cat.  They are wild and dangerous.  One day our crew captured a bobcat in a trap and brought it back to the Section House.  They put the cat in a box and loaded it onto a baggage wagon with other baggage scheduled for loading on the Florida Special.  Once loaded, one of the baggage smashers heard movement within the box and decided to open it.  You've never seen a baggage smasher jump from a baggage car faster than that guy. 
       Sometimes the crew is stuck in a siding overnight.  It is then that the night critters come out to entertain us.  Sleeping in a caboose with open doors and windows seems to invite 'possums, armadillos, and other nocturnal creatures to plague us.  Now, an armadillo is a harmless creature, but his hard shell is not what you want to feel when you are awakened with an uninvited bedfellow at 4:00 a.m. 
       Most of us Florida crackers have learned to eat almost anything that doesn't bite us first.  'Possum stew is an example.  So is turtle soup.  Florida snapping turtles are found in almost every stream, river, and swamp in Florida.  It is learning how to clean a turtle that is the challenge.  Eating 'possum stew and turtle soup is a regular delicacy served to track crews while they are out on the road.
       Fish are plentiful in the rivers and streams along the right-of-way.  A 'mess of catfish' and hush puppies cooked over a wood stove in a caboose is mighty good eating.
       The daily work of a track gang is hard and dirty.  But at least it is out of doors and it provides a track gang with the opportunity to enjoy the many opportunities provided by the critters that come upon the right-of-way."

[deemery]

I remember seeing a dead coral snake along the road at Ft Bragg (NC)...  I don't mind snakes, but that's one I was glad to see in a "deceased state."


dave

[PRR Modeler]

Interesting story Bill.

[GPdemayo]

Another good one Bill.....but I'm not so sure about the menu. 

[ACL1504]

Great story Bill. It is of interest to the readers that I add this bit of Florida wildlife information.

In Florida we have the bobcat and the panther. Most non outdoorsy types think they are one and the same. They are definitely different. The Fl. Panther is larger than the Fl. Bobcat. The panther has a long tail almost as long as the panther body. The tail is curved at the tip to avoid dragging on the ground. The bobcat has a shorter tail and curves up to expose the white underside.

Both are very dangerous and when found as young animals, can't be domesticated as pets.

One point I'd like to mention here is the "night time calls" of Florida's wild animals. We used to camp out often as teenagers and Boy Scouts. The first time you hear these two at night it will scare the crap out of you, it did me. Both cats have a very "high pitch" night time call of the wild. They sound like a woman screaming her head off in some sort of horror film. Of course, the louder the call, the closer they are to your camp. We always kept the fires burning bright to keep them at bay.

The only good part to eat from a gator is the tail and it doesn't taste like chicken, it tastes like wild gator tail.

The heart of the cabbage palm is very good. It tastes very similar to regular cabbage but you get the fun of cutting it out of the wild palm. Takes about 30-40 minutes depending on the size of the scrub palm.

And now you you know the rest of the story.

Tom 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vA4lNTuWuQM

Florida Panther encounter and is also an endangered species.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlbhWparKJg

[postalkarl]

Hey Tom:

Wow didn't know you had those type of wild animals in Fl. Be careful out thet OK.

Karl

[GPdemayo]

And then there is the wildlife on Miami Beach.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xbxQ9SyzkE

[Dennis Bourey]

 Moving to Miami Beach.

[Judge]

Dennis - You might want to rethink moving to Miami. Consider the following recent report from "The Man on the Street."

One day a Yankee tourist was walking down Collins Avenue in Miami Beach when he saw a man walking towards him who looked like he lived in Miami.  The tourist stopped the man and engaged him in the following conversation:

Yankee:  "Pardon me, but you look like you live here in Miami.  What is it like to live here?"

Local resident: "I've lived here in Miami most of my life and I find it to be a good place to live."

Yankee: "Well, what about the riots and the looting and burning?"

Local:  "Oh, that stuff takes place in another part of Miami and I don't pay much attention to it."

Yankee:  "Well, what about the drug dealers?"

Local:   "I don't do drugs so they don't bother me."

Yankee: "Well, what about all the murders?"

Local:  "The thugs involved in shootings tend to shoot each other and they don't bother me."

Yankee:  Sounds like you have a good life here in Miami.  By the way, what do you do for a living?"

Local:  "Oh, I'm a tail gunner on a bread truck."