Intimidation meaning to me!!!!

[Dennis Bourey]

( Intimidation )  Is one of my most terrified word. I been watching and building layout's since my son's birth in 1989. And I will tell you honestly that I'm terrified to to a $300-$1,000 Plus dollar kit and destroy it. I only built plastic and resin kit's like DPM and other's. I found 3 tote's in the furnace room in the basement and was full with kit's and stuff I didn't even remember having. My wife says I have a hoarding problem with this hobby. She said something that really hit home. (I'm never gonna finish this layout or even come close to building everything before I die and then what?) Me and the kid's will have to figure this out. I try my best to do as much as I can but really (WOW!!!) I been following Postalkarl and Karl O since the early 2000's on the other forum's and They really got me hooked.
                          Karl O say's he's getting to the point it's really getting harder to do things because of his hand's and stuff. And
                 Postalkarl well he's still 24 and no sign's of slowing down. I always wanted to visit George's layout but never did and I only live in New Hampshire. I look at something in front of me and just stare at it and then maybe decide or not to do something next. It should be just do it!!!  May 8th 2017 we were hit head on and put myself and wife in hospital over a week for me and 2 month's for my wife of 37 years and 41 year's of her friendship. So we were laid up for most of 2017 and My wife just started to walk in 2020 and still goes to therapy twice a week.And for me I had 11 rib's broken and sternum broke and hit and perm damage the vagus nerve in my neck for my hearing and swallowing. which suck's to swallow and most never able to keep food down. Can't even eat out because scared of choking in public.
Without this forum and friend's I honestly would of gave up. You guy's are a BLESSING and you don't even know it.  As they say (Life goes on) But our's is so short. At my age it's even shorter lol. Now we have today's hero's here and you all know who you are. And Thanks for your support and knowledge of this hobby. That's why I stick with this hobby. So That's what Intimidation mean's to me. Dennis

[Keep It Rusty]

Dennis,

I can only but imagine what it took to share this — but thank you for doing it.

I'm so sorry to learn of the cause for your wife's therapy (and of your own issues since that day). An awful thing to good people. I only but hope it has given you other strengths you didn't know existed.

Intimidation is a rotten feeling. It's debilitating, depressing and worst of all — demotivating. I toss and turn at night with intimidation in my professional work. It's a creative job and I'm my own worst enemy. But here's the thing: I'm only ever going to fail at the things I don't start. You can have the best ideas in the world, but they'll only ever be that if you don't do anything with them. And I have to remind myself of that everyday to put food on the table (and more kits in the totes!).

There's a lot of searing truth in what your wife said, and the last thing I would want of anyone is to look back on their life and have a hard time seeing past the regrets.

But you've already made the change to what you're worried about: you just finished your first craftsman kit. Don't stop now. You've made it past the hardest part: convincing yourself to start. Keep going. Use the hobby for what it's their for: enjoyment. Pleasure. You are only going to get better by keep going from here. You'll learn something new every time — and you'll get drunk on that, and it's here that you'll get the ability to ignore your intimidation.

They are your kits, Sir. Make them your own and don't worry if you don't get something right.

Remember this one thing: it's only wood and paper. Don't prioritize it over your own enjoyment in this life.

Craig

[S&S RR]

Dennis


A few facts about the members of this forum. We all have a problem with more kits on the shelf than years to build them. And that doesn't count all the scratch build projects in-between kit builds. I have been under a few layouts with 100's of built kits on them that have just as many on the shelf stored under the layout. I'm sure there is a medical term for it but modeler just works fine.


As for messing up an expensive kit. Do a test for me. Take a piece of  clapboard siding and paint it. And then paint it again. Keep doing it until you have so much paint built up that it starts pealing.  Now build something with it and you will win a Narrow Gauge best of show for the weathering job. That's what old buildings look like. Now if you use chalks and pigments, like I usually do, a little alcohol whipping and you have a fresh piece of clapboard.  I think of a kit as a box full of parts with a great design that I can build, or change.  The kit maker did the cutting for you. About the only thing you can do that may require a new part is brake it or cut it wrong.  But you can always make a new piece. Trust me, everyone on this forum has glued a piece in the wrong place and broke it getting it unglued. Just get out a new piece of material and scratch build that part. Know one will know.


As for the cost - here is what I told my wife.  I can golf in my retirement or do model railroading.  If I golf it will probably cost more and I will have drawer full of score cards, in my case with very high scores because I like to get my monies worth. That drawer full of score cards will be worth nothing when I go - just the memories of having fun, if you enjoy golf.


With model railroading you can have the layout put in a dumpster, if I go first, or call these guys (list of contacts) and they will help you get rid of it. And this guy here can sell any of my unused kits for something - I guarantee it will be more than you will get for my golf clubs and a drawer full of score cards. The bottom line is that I enjoy modeling.


Dennis just keep building those kits, and if you can afford it, buy some more when the mood strikes.


Keep building them until you are not intimidated. Your first kit looks great and every one you build from here on out will look better in some small way that only you will know. Just have fun doing it.

[deemery]

I have a related problem, "frustration".  That happens when I do something and I decide I don't like the result, it's not what I expected.  That generally causes me to step away not from that particulard project, but from the hobby as a whole.  Usually that only lasts a day or 2, but sometimes it'll last a couple of weeks.  The one thing I've been getting better about is accepting that not everything will be perfect, and in particular that viewed from a distance by the average user, the problems won't jump out and say "He blew it!". 


dave

[ACL1504]

Dennis,

I can honestly say, you have been to the River Jordan and back. Intimidation is only a word and you shared your fears with us and survived. One can't really imagine what you and your wife have been and are going through.

Over the years while employed as a law enforcement officer, I've faced many intimidating situations. I've met with POTUS, Heads of State, Foreign Dignitaries, worked with the Secret Service, FBI, CIA and the State Department and often members of the Department of Justice.

I played golf to a 2 handicap, carried a 212 bowling average and my pontificating will stop here. All the stuff mentioned above means absolutely nothing. We can do our best and that should count for something. It certainly sounds to me that is exactly what you have been doing.

All that being said, nothing has given me more satisfaction than being the best husband, father and modeler I can/could be. As Craig said, "I am my own worst enemy."

This hobby is one my wife supports and she definitely knows I'm a kit and brass loco hoarder. Yet, for some reason she never complains.

This is a very soothing hobby for me. I still lay awake some nights with visions of what I've seen people do to each other.

Stay in the  hobby and try your best, we all are here to support each other. 

Remember, the only kit you never mess up is the one you never attempt to build.

Sincere regards to you and your family my friend.

Tom

[bparrish]

Dennis....

Thank you for sharing your story.  I will offer here what support I can from several thousands of miles away.

In 1999 I was diagnosed with a leukemia that they told me was NOT going away. We played the chemo game for 12 years and then I fell into a stem cell transplant protocol that had me living in Seattle for most of a year and a year after that sequestered with a slowly growing back immune system.  This last year with covid has not been a whole lot different than that year at home.

My best modeling and the ability to share with this forum has largely occurred since that year in 2013.  Many of the modelers on this forum supported me during that time and I am greatly thankful.  And.... by the way.... the leukemia is gone.

Allow me to encourage you, as John has, to open up some of those kits and venture off.  If you are still uncertain, order in some raw materials from Northeastern scale wood in Mass. and some doors and windows from Tichy in NC and build some simple (crude) shacks and simple structures, loading docks, fences, and other not complicated things and learn your way around handling the materials.

Oh yeah!  Order in a BUNCH of #11 xacto blades.

If I can do this stuff anyone can.

Again.... thanks for your part in all of this and let us know from time to time how you are doing and how we might help.

see ya

Bob

[ACL1504]

Dennis,

I sent you a PM ref. kit building.

Tom 

[jerryrbeach]

Dennis,
What you wrote struck a chord with me on so many levels.
Several years ago I was skidding firewood logs out of the woods with my tractor when I was struck by a falling tree. My right (dominant) arm and wrist were broken, and I had two surgeries to repair the arm, now held together by two plates and numerous screws.  I suffered nerve damage to my hand, something that persists to this day.  To this day my hand and arm will go numb, and in fact my arm is numb as I type this.
This plays into my decision making when choosing kits to build.  I don't want to damage or destroy an expensive offering because of my physical limitations. So, I often procrastinate opening those kits, usually sticking to smaller readily available kits rather than limited edition offerings.  I have promised myself to do better in that area, as in most cases the kit components can be replaced if necessary.
I also have a stash (hoard?) of more kits than I will ever have time to build.  Each time I bought one of the kits I felt enthusiastic about how great it would look on my future layout.  Every single kit I complete leaves me with a feeling of accomplishment.  Every kit still on the shelf represents a chance for time well spent.  So what if I do not finish them all, each brought value into my life.
As far as not finishing a layout? While every modelers' goal is to finish their layout, within the journey lies the prize.  Every structure, every road, vehicle, figure, tree, and scene is a source of enjoyment and accomplishment. Sure, I want to finish my layout, but every single part of it I build (well, maybe not the wiring) leaves me feeling better mentally and emotionally.  When that is the case, how can I be disappointed if it never quite gets finished?
A few years ago I went to an estate sale for a modeler.  It was sad to see the layout being dismantled by his son and his items sold.  Still, I left that day with a positive feeling.  I remembered seeing Bill at a train meet a couple years prior to his passing.  He told me he still worked on the layout a couple hours every day and that he enjoyed every minute he spent modeling.  I picked up four of his unbuilt Campbell kits at the sale and was thrilled when I found his handwritten notes on a couple of the instruction sheets.  I like to think that I am honoring his memory when I work on one of those kits.  I hope some day when my models and kits are passed on the next person will not only enjoy the construction, but will also feel the joy I had when building or planning to build them.
One last thought.  Almost every modeler I have seen interviewed, when asked what he likes best about the hobby says, "the people".   In this unusual time, while physical contact is limited, it is truly a blessing for each of us to be able to share our hobby (and our lives) with like minded people on this forum.  I'm glad you felt you could share your feelings with us.

[Dennis Bourey]

Craig thank you for the support. It means a lot to me and it's been a long journey. Dennis

[Dennis Bourey]

John, I appreciate that. I will keep going and as Craig and you said. My first kit is about done. lol  I made some changes now and will post picture's tomorrow. Dennis

[Dennis Bourey]

Dave. Thank you very much. Frustration is a big part of a lot of things. This is a great forum. Dennis

[Dennis Bourey]

Tom, Thank you, It's been a long road of recovery and my wife will never not be disabled. 
I'm glad he and we didn't die. Here's the link to it from our new's channel. Dennis
You might have to copy and paste this in your web browser?

https://www.concordmonitor.com/tilton-nh-crash-puts-pittsfield-nh-sanbornton-nh-men-in-hospital-9747789

[Dennis Bourey]

Bob. Thank you for the kind word's and I honestly didn't know they had a cure for leukemia?
I'm glad your doing good and here. Yes this forum is something else. These guy's and girl's are the best.Dennis

[Zephyrus52246]

Dennis, I'm sorry to read about you and your wife's misfortune.  It's good that you have a hobby to enjoy.  Yes, some of the kits can be expensive, but the cost per hour is actually quite reasonable compared to other hobbies (golf, like Tom mentioned).  It's especially cheap per hour if you build things as slowly as I do.    There are relatively inexpensive wood kits from manufacturer's.  Start on them and work your way up.  My first two wood kits were Campbells.  I then built an FSM kit.  I too was VERY intimidated by opening the "yellow box kit".  Following George's excellent instructions, I felt I did a pretty good job.  Took 3rd place in a local NMRA meet.  Like others have said, you can get blank walls and stripwood and repair almost anything.  Good luck to you and your wife on the health front.

Jeff

[deemery]

Let me second what Dr Jeff said.  A Campbell kit is a great way to start out, that's how I learned as a kid, and when I restarted the hobby the first thing I did was build another Campbell kit to brush up my skills. 

If you shop around, you can often find them at a bargain (particularly at train shows, if we ever get back to those....)

dave